Last night we left our keys in the park. 

Fallen off our bag

to lie in the grass 

It wasn’t until after dinner, standing in front of our door, 

we realised they were gone

Back go the helmets, back on the bike…

it’s 9:30pm 

I ask if He wants me to come with him to find them

But I’m already on the back.

He says 

“I don’t mind. 

Whatever you’d prefer”

In my head, He can’t go alone

it’s dark

in an open parkspace

alone?

Are you kidding?

He turns to look at me and I see something I don’t recognise

He is not afraid

He is not afraid to go alone

In a darkened park searching for keys

He is not afraid

He does not need me to come with him

What that must feel like?

What that must be like?

To feel there is no predator you have to take into consideration.

To be among the danger

not the endangered

How else must that affect the goings and comings of his everyday? 

How many other ways must it affect mine?

Does He realise?
Do they all realise? 

I want to not be afraid. 

I wan’t to say,

“I don’t mind”

We talk of clutched keys and phones at the ready

We talk of walking in pairs and texts when we get home.

We don’t talk of the every day freedoms He gets that I don’t

And I’m so very jealous

And so very very mad