Last night we left our keys in the park.
Fallen off our bag
to lie in the grass
It wasn’t until after dinner, standing in front of our door,
we realised they were gone
Back go the helmets, back on the bike…
it’s 9:30pm
I ask if He wants me to come with him to find them
But I’m already on the back.
He says
“I don’t mind.
Whatever you’d prefer”
In my head, He can’t go alone
it’s dark
in an open parkspace
alone?
Are you kidding?
He turns to look at me and I see something I don’t recognise
He is not afraid
He is not afraid to go alone
In a darkened park searching for keys
He is not afraid
He does not need me to come with him
What that must feel like?
What that must be like?
To feel there is no predator you have to take into consideration.
To be among the danger
not the endangered
How else must that affect the goings and comings of his everyday?
How many other ways must it affect mine?
Does He realise?
Do they all realise?
I want to not be afraid.
I wan’t to say,
“I don’t mind”
We talk of clutched keys and phones at the ready
We talk of walking in pairs and texts when we get home.
We don’t talk of the every day freedoms He gets that I don’t
And I’m so very jealous
And so very very mad