Because of you, I bathed my journals
all the thoughts
countless hours
endless sentences to try and make sense
washed away in the white wash
of an ordinary Wednesday so many years ago
The thought of those inner most scribbles existing in the world - unfathomable
and yet
all these years later
when I peruse the annals of my life,
I wonder what I wrote
So many musings lost
In loving you, I washed away…
all of it
Oh boy, wasn’t that true!
the good, the bad, the longing, the laughter, the torment, the normality
the life.
I don’t know if I wish I’d kept them.
Somedays I do.
Others, I’m glad to be free of my own words that could haunt me.
What I do know is that someday
in the future
when a daughter not yet known
comes to me heavy-hearted and in love
with the wrong man
I will take her to the ocean
where I bathed the words off my pages
and endlessly bathed him from my skin.
And I will be able to say that it was in these
same waters
that I left it behind
the love
the loss
the longing
and healed.
To have only the faint memory
and a new life
with a love I could name
aloud.