Lex Duff

Senses and the Sea: What I've Been Loving This Week

Enjoy my recommendations below and find out a little of what’s been tickling my senses this week while we’ve been away up the coast.

x

Sound:

Driving the Sydney to Byron Bay route is a long one so I had been storing up podcasts for the road. One that absolutely tickled my partner and I was ‘Grounded by Louis Theroux’ in his interview with Mariam Margolyes. She’s a little wicked, hysterically funny and infectiously candid and Theroux is kept on his toes throughout the entire interview. She talks about her sexuality, her working career and living in L.A. as a British actress and there are more than a handful of laugh out loud moments. I would highly recommend Theroux’s podcast in general for its wit and whimsy but this one in particular was so entertaining. Warning though – if you are prudish, you won’t dig it!

 I listen to mine on the podcast app: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/7-miriam-margolyes/id1508985962?i=1000477131607

Smell:

We’ve been staying a stone’s throw from the ocean here in Kingscliff and I can never get past this as my favourite smell: the mix of the ocean, coconut-scented sunscreen and sea-salt. There is something about the smell of sunscreen that conjures up the feeling of holidays, beach sessions and long summer nights. I’m pretty conscious about the sunscreen we use on our bodies and making sure they aren’t tested on animals etc. but after that, a lot of my choice is based around the smell. For clean sunscreens, great brands to look at are: Ultra Violette and We Are Feel Good Inc.

One of our local beaches for the week.

Taste:

Each night up here, we sit around the dinner table and chat over a few wines. We are away with my partner’s family and it’s been so wonderful to all have time together. Once the nieces and nephews have gone to sleep, the chocolate comes out. I’ve stumbled across a very reasonable, very yummy dark chocolate that is hugely underrated. Link below. Thank me later.

 https://www.aldi.com.au/en/groceries/pantry/just-organic/just-organic-detail/ps/p/just-organic-dark-chocolate-100g/

Touch:

This year, my style has completely revolutionised. Not necessarily in terms of my look but how I come to acquire clothes. As many of us were, at the beginning of the year I was planning a holiday. I had made a pact with myself that to save money and space in my wardrobe, I wouldn’t buy a single new piece from the date of my birthday until we departed unless it was pre-loved and pre-owned or vintage. Well, as you’re all aware, the travel industry imploded and none of us went anywhere. But I decided my challenge should remain. I dove deep into the conversations happening within and outside of the fashion industry to do with fast fashion, vintage pieces and what’s driving trends. And it really struck a chord… more than a chord, perhaps. As someone who works in fashion now, I am super conscious about where my clothes are coming from and how they are being made, in addition to the impact their production has on the environment and what’s driving my desire for that particular piece. I now know the pieces I want to add to my wardrobe, rather than guessing or following an endless stream of cheaper products. When we got up here to the top of NSW, I had exactly the type of dress in mind that I wanted to add and funnily enough, a girl on Facebook marketplace was selling that exact piece only minutes from our place up here! So I bought the much coveted piece off her second hand! However, the brand itself is one that I can absolutely get behind. Their ethos, attitude towards sustainability and simple designs make them exactly the kind of brand I feel comfortable supporting. They are a Byron based business called The Silk Co and their pieces are made of beautiful raw silk! I feel like myself in my new Belle dress and that’s a good buy as far as I’m concerned.

 https://thesilkco.com/

Instagram: @thesilk.co

Sight:

I am absolutely enchanted by Jessie Burton’s writing. I know, I know…her books have been around for a while now but I was being a contrarian and didn’t want to hop on the bandwagon. More fool me. I just finished one of her pieces of work and jumped straight onto the next one! I’m flying through the pages of The Muse each day and filling the spine with sand. Burton’s follow up novel to The Miniaturist, The Muse is a beautifully interwoven story of family, love, identity and authenticity across two different eras, linked by an intriguing piece of art. I’m 200 pages in and I am desperate to turn each page and simultaneously don’t want it to end. It’s the kind of writing I had been missing – and I’m very much enjoying being absorbed by a story again!

 I bought my copy second hand at a bookstore in Mullumbimby but Jessie Burton’s books can be found in all good bookstores.

Sand on my Coffee Cup

Early this morning, as the rain pats the windows,

I wait for my coffee to percolate,

My coffee cup is an old candle, washed out and cleaned

A deep amber glass

It used to hold fire

Now it holds my morning brew.

As I pour my coffee in, I notice that there is sand stuck to the bottom of the glass

on the adhesive where a sticker used to be

I took a nettle tea down to the ocean yesterday

And have unknowingly brought home tiny grained souvenirs

Little sandy specs as an adornment.

I brush most off with my fingertips but keep a few

Stuck to the old, nearly dry glue

And wrap my palms around the handle-less glass

Warming myself in these first few moments of the morning

It made me think how days too can be like this

A moments resting place leaves little grains,

And most will be rubbed off in the days to come

But some?

Some will stay.

And in months or even years from now, those little niggly grains might remind us

Of a time, or a feeling, or a seaside seat

Something almost inconsequential

Becomes the memory of days by the ocean

Tucked away with a love

with sand in the sheets

and on the bottom of your coffee cup

Candle from Orchard Street

July, 2020: Swell

“Surfing is a more profound kind of sport than it looks. When you surf, you learn not to fight the power of nature, even if it gets violent.”
― Haruki Murakami

#LexDuffDoes - Skincare, Fragrance and the Gender Beauty Gap

How often do you think you’ve planned your Saturday around having enough time to get ready to go out? How often have you dedicated the hour before heading out to getting dolled up to go out? Now, how often has the man in your life? Less right? 

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Realising there were hours in the day that I was losing to be ‘ready to go out’ that He simply…wasn’t. 

In essence, what I’m talking about is the Gender Beauty Gap. 

This concept certainly isn’t new but I think as I get older, it becomes more and more interesting to me. Do you realise the average woman spends two weeks of every year grooming herself for the purpose of ‘looking the park’ for her job? Two weeks?! 

Think of everything most blokes are doing with an extra two weeks a year? How many more books could you read? How much more sleep could you get? Geez, how much more sex could you be having in those two weeks? 

Now my point here is not to say that spending time to look the way you want to look is a waste of time. By no means. The truth is, I love make up. I love a night out and an outfit of the day. But what is shifting in me is the consciousness around it. The decision to opt into the expectation, rather than to bow down to it. The option to accentuate my features, rather than cover them. The move to make sure I’m putting things onto the largest organ in my body that aren’t harmful, full of chemicals or tested on anyone or anything but the babes that use them. 

And that’s where my obsession with skin care comes in. 

What is the point of spending huge amounts of money on makeup when you aren’t taking care of the canvas it’s headed for? I figure, if you spend the money on the canvas, you need significantly less of the paint, right? And the better the canvas, the less time the painting will take. 

I realised I was spending all this money on skin care and then covering up all the benefits with foundation. I was using skincare products that made my skin dewy like a spring morning, and then adding highlighter ON TOP to create the affect I’d achieved naturally. I’m pretty au naturale when it comes to my look - I’m certainly more European than American in that sense - but I’ve really found the better quality skincare, the easier it is to create the same affects with just your actual face. I think the world wants to see your freckles. I know that I certainly want to see your real skin. I want to see the lines when you laugh. 

For the most part, because of my favourite skincare products, I no longer wear foundation. And when I do wear makeup, it’s oil based, natural and designed to be not just make up but skin care too. (In saying that, you’ll never catch me without concealer though - I’ve somehow looked like my bags have baggage since I was about 8). 

What I’ve compiled here for you are brands I really believe in. They are naturally derived (for the most part), cruelty free and with some personality. I hope my trials and tests of these products give you some confidence that they are the real deal and that investing in them isn’t risky business. More than that, I hope that maybe this piece raises some questions for you. How long am I spending making myself “ready” for my day - how much of that time do I resent? Am I taking care of the canvas? Am I investing in products that are working overtime to take care of me, not cover me up? And am I making sure that my money is going into the pockets of those who value me valuing me? 

Have a read. Ask any questions you have. And for god’s sake, make sure you moisturize. 

Frank Body

Aussie made, natural and cruelty free, I’ve used these products for years now and they do exactly what they say they will. If you want to see just what they can do, head over to their instagram where they showcase all the skin they’ve soothed. I’m a long time fan of good old Frank.

Glow Mask 
This can be used in the mornings a number of times a week before you head out or at night if your skin is feeling a little tired. It leaves you feeling so silky smooth and brightens up your face. I may or may not be wearing it as I type these very words.

Original Face Scrub 
Made as their original coffee scrub, this is in essence the face exfoliant version of their full body scrub. It leaves your skin baby-soft and removes left over makeup, gunk and excess oils that build up over the week. I use this once or twice a week and it smells delicious!

Jojoba Company

This is the most recent addition to my skincare arsenal and I’m onto my repeat products. I found this during Quarantine Iso and it’s worth its weight. Their products are made from the purest Australian Jojoba from the town of Yenda with sustainable farming practices (win!).

Ultimate Youth Potion
This product is an excellent serum that feels more like a waxy oil than a liquid oil. It smells amazing and works to restore healthy skin lipids. The serum is 100% botanically derived and I use it morning and evening all over my face and neck. It’s also a gorgeous gold and feels super luxe to have on.

Night Cream
A great, rich cream to act as a companion to the Youth Potion, this product says it’s for before bed but really, I use it often morning and night. It works a treat on dry or tired skin and you know it’s got no nasties in it. It’s also a great option for those who don’t like the feeling of oils on their skin.

Ultra-Violette

This young company with rave reviews was started by two women in the make up industry who were looking to make a SkinScreen - a sunscreen that took care of your skin rather than just acting as a barrier from the sun. They have multiple different products but the one I choose is the Queen Screen. I have to admit, I’ve come to the sunscreen game later than I’d care to admit. If I’m lying in the sun all day then of course I’ll lather up but with naturally tanned skin, I haven’t always prioritised sunscreen the way I should. But more and more, I’m choosing not to ignore the messaging of putting sunscreen on my face EVERY DAY and this product has certainly helped with that.

Queen Screen 50+
This product goes onto your skin after your moisturizer and before your makeup. It comes in a gorgeous glass bottle with a stopper and has lasted me a fair amount of time. It makes your skin glowy and dewy without feeling sticky and is easy to apply any make up over. Made with native antioxidants, I am now slowly converting to remembering to wear this on all days, not just those that appear sunny outside.

Nuxe

I found this cult favourite in an airport in Iceland after my Irish housemate had told me she thought it was a Must-Have in every woman’s skin care routine. The fact that Nuxe is on this list will be no surprise to my international audience but it’s certainly not a product well-known in Australia - which really should change. It’s the number one selling skincare product in French Pharmacies and its magically multi-purposed. You can use Nuxe oils on your hair, your nails AND your skin.

Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse Multipurpose Dry Oil
With high levels of macadamia and tsubaki oil, this oil is beautiful on the skin. An added bonus is whenever I wear it, people always ask me what perfume I’m wearing because of it’s winning floral smell - two for the price of one! You can also rest assured that you’re getting the best in the skincare oil world - Nuxe invented the dry oil in 1991! If you’re new to the oil game and are worried it may leaving you feeling…well…oily…think again. Being a dry oil, your skin feels dewy but the oil has dried in a matter of minutes. Plus, if all the french girls are swearing by it, who are we to turn it down!

Go-To

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about Zoe Foster-Blake’s genius brand - I’ve reviewed their Transformazing Mask before here at lexduff.com and given it the full 5 Stars. But I have always thought their range was missing an oil cleanser/make-up remover so I was thrilled when Fancy Face was added to their product line recently. I have to say, I’ve never really found any other type of cleanser to properly take make up off. I mean, it makes sense. Most make-up is oil based (at least the brands I wear like RMS, Gucci Westman etc) and so it’s going to be an oil that helps them slide off for the day. This leads me to introducing…(drumroll please) :

Fancy Face
My favourite Go-To product to date by far! This nourishing oil cleanser takes off your day properly. It includes 5 botanical plant oils, vitamin E and essential fatty acids - which is a fancy way of saying, it’s good for your skin. It also comes with gorgeous muslin cloth to help take off the oil. This product really works and is a staple in my night time routine now. In fact, I think i’m running dangerously low…

Fragonard

Moving into the world of fragrance, Fragonard is a Perfumerie I’d hazard a guess not too many Millenials have heard of in Australia. I was first introduced to this famous French establishment on a stop over in the French Riviera at Eze and have been wearing their perfume ever since. Started in 1926 by Eugene Fuchs, this Perfumerie is still run as a family business and their production houses are set up in the perfume capitals of the world (Grasse and Eze have been central figures in the world of perfumed smells since the 16th century!). Fragonards has a wide variety of scents, crafted by some seriously talented Noses and created for both Men and Women at a reasonable price point for the brand’s fame. It’s definitely worth giving them a google, even just to learn more about this gorgeous part of the world.

Ile d'Amour
My current pick of their range is this perfume. It’s a strong scent and certainly leans towards a bolder rather than more subtle perfume. Its main notes are osmanthus, rose, jasmine, lilac, and lily of the valley. It’s often described as a marine scent and it reminds me of summer on the French Riviera. It’s certainly unlike any other perfume I’ve smelt on the market (and I’m picky!).

Pivoine
My other Fragonards favourite is this Eau de toilette. This is a lighter, more floral scent without being sickly sweet. It’s central scent comes from three different peonies (pink, red and white), followed by notes of iris, amber, jasmine and musk. It really is absolutely beautiful and I need to re-stock. Gorgeous for a summer night out or a day out, this is a beautiful feminine perfume.

Replica

Last but certainly not least is Replica by the luxury Parisian Fashion House, Maison Margiela. I love this Perfumerie and the angle they have taken with their range. Designed with memories in mind, each scent is based on a scent of nostalgia for a time and a place. Being the Queen of Nostalgia, this is right up my alley. Each scent, they write, is a “reproduction of familiar scents and moments of varying locations and periods” and they’ve done an incredible job at conjuring just that. Made with scents designed for both men and women, I also love that they make unisex scents because hey, memories aren’t always gender specific are they?! My favourites are:

Lazy Sunday Morning
Provenance and Period: Florence, 2003
Fragrance Description: Soft Skin and Bed Linen
My comments: Divine, clean, soft florals and fresh

Under the Lemon Trees
Provenance and Period: Palermo, 1987
Fragrance Description: Relaxing and Bright Lemon
My comments: I love citrus based scents for how fresh they are. This smells like summer sun in a bottle.

Et c’est Fini! Enjoy!

If I could bottle a day...

If I could bottle a day, I would bottle this one.
Bitter but that’s my favourite flavour.
A sprinkle of sweetness
like the man waving good morning at me as we pass on an empty beach.
Bittersweet, for sure.

Earthy and filling.
Salty from plunging into stormy seas.
As though the weather knows our departure and is both mad about it and trying to ease our way out of it.

This day would taste deep and full and rich and probably just a little spicy.
I’m sure the recipe would be an old one
Written on paper that’s slightly curled at the edges.

And I think the more one drinks, the more wistful one would become.
There’d be quiet tear for places left behind,
as well as raucous laughter.
And I think there would always be half a glass left in the bottom,
in the hope one would get to taste it again - with the little grit of the sediment that comes with all bottles.
The settling of dust at the end of all days.

Always best drunk in front of the a fire in the arms of your lover after you’ve thrown yourself wildly into a winter ocean for just long enough that the air outside feels colder than the water itself.
Maybe listening to old jazz.
Feeling a little healthy melancholy,
the taste of goodbyes and the familiar curiosity of what’s to come next.

Ripening

It would seem
I have found myself again
in these past weeks,
in these passing days.

I have been growing
expanding up
stretching out
ripening
like a summer-vine tomato
ageing like an old French grenache
taking parts of myself off - to hold, scrub, to value again

I have found my voice anew
strong
with conviction
deep in timbre
mostly thoughtful
often whimsical

I have found my edges
with every walk along the beach
with every bath-ful that has escaped between my locks of uncombed hair
those edges have been sanded…and salted
and polished
And I think I like how they feel
Smooth
but unmistakable

I have plaited flowers through my sun-tipped hair
strummed old favourites with fingernails that refuse to stop growing

My shoulders are broader now too
I am taking up more space
endless days in the ocean
a daily, achey paddle out to our sanctuary

I have found new freckles on my nose
my shoulders
between my breasts and belly-button

New muscles
not just in my legs and arms
but in my hands from all that dough
in my fingers from holding new paintbrushes
in my sides from holding the man I love to my body in the early hours of the morning, before the sun is up
in my cheeks from all the home-grown laughter

My mind is full of poetry
old and new
I have sentences strewn across notebooks
words I’ve loved so much I’ve taken the time to write them down

Even the hard days have announced themselves
coming in with apologies
only to stay a day or two
bringing sun with the dawn of the day that follows

I have been
growing
expanding
ripening

I have been happy
oh, what an exclamation
I am happy to have been reacquainted with myself
my old friend

Sunday Pancake Recipe (GF, Goop Inspired + Bloody Delicious)

Those of you who know me will know that I think rituals are a very important aspect of our lives as humans, particularly in an age where it can sometimes feel like…well, maybe up until 2020 hit, we were spinning on a hamster wheel and not always partaking in our days quite as consciously. And whilst my approach to rituals has deeper roots, some of the best advice I’ve ever heard is that one must always have something to look forward to, be that something big or small. 

In this time of quarantine, we’ve added a few rituals to our daily life. Every morning (some easier than others) we walk straight down the sand path and dive into the ocean. I also start my day with a big glass of water, followed rapidly by a percolator coffee. Come 5pm, at the Stanley-Tucci-appointed cocktail hour, I reach for my Negroni and light the candle in the apartment. I’ve also tried to meditate for a little while each day.

Evan’s personal rituals seem to have acted a little more as a way to distinguish the days. Mondays through Fridays he works out first thing before our swim, which makes the weekend more relaxing. Tuesday night’s, he gets Domino’s pizza (and boy does he get excited about it) and on Sunday mornings, he has pancakes.

 This last ritual is one he’s particularly fond of. The measuring, the shaking of the packet, the pouring onto the sizzling pan, layering the first pancake, then the frozen berries and then another pancake on top to melt the berries… I think in our house, there is merit to changing the name of ‘Sunday’ to ‘Pancake Appreciation Day’. I, however, don’t participate. Packet mix pancakes are, in my humble opinion, crap. Full of sugar and a bit of a non-event. It’s like bacon - I always think I like the idea of it and then I’m always disappointed by it.

This weekend, however, Ev had made a terrible oversight on the shopping list. Not a pancake mix to be found in the house. As his eyes popped open on Sunday morning, the groan that escaped him in his realisation made it clear, something was horribly wrong - that is, I was about to spend the day with a pancake-less man. Neither you nor I deserve that. And so, as the old saying goes, scarcity breeds creativity.

Below is without a doubt the very best pancake recipe I’ve ever tried and tested. Gluten free,  casein free, low in processed sugar and downright bloody delicious are these Goop inspired beauties. I would say they are a little more like Crepes than the American style pancakes (but in my opinion the Europeans always do food better anyway). Did you know, Otzi the Iceman was found to have eaten something akin to a pancake? When they found his remains in 1991 in the Italian Alps, it must have confirmed that even Neolithic Europeans were doin’ it right!

I hope these fill your breakfast table of a Sunday morning soon to come and I for one, am taking up this ritual for this week’s Pancake Appreciation Day. Put it in the calendar…if you’re still using those these days :P

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Serves 2
What you’ll need:

¼ cup gluten free flour (can use coconut flour)

½ teaspoon baking powder

1 pinch salt

3 tablespoons ghee, plus extra for frying the pancakes (can use coconut oil if you prefer)

1 tablespoon honey

3 large eggs, at room temperature

1/3 cup organic soy milk

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon lemon zest (or a little more if you’re like me)

Warmed berries for serving

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1. In a small bowl, stir together the gluten free flour flour, baking powder, and salt (basically all the dry ingredients). Set aside.

2. In another slightly larger bowl, mix together the 3 tablespoons of ghee and honey until mostly smooth. It helps to warm up the ghee first but don’t worry if there are a few little clumps in the mixture. It should be like a cream now. Whisk the eggs in one at a time. Add the soy milk, vanilla extract, and lemon zest.

3. Fold in the dry ingredients to your wet mixture now and mix until just combined. You don’t want to go too hard on the mixing so as to overwork it. Just enough to combine the ingredients fully so the mixture remains fluffy!

4. Heat a little ghee in a sauté pan over medium high heat so the pancake batter doesn’t stick to your pan.

5. Add the batter and cook for about 2-3 minutes on first side. These pancakes work best with about 3 tablespoons of batter to one pancake, I find. Don’t worry if they don’t bubble as much as traditional pancakes – just be sure to keep checking the underside so that you don’t burn them. When the underside is golden brown, flip and cook for 1 -2 minutes on the other side.

6. Now just keep using up that batter until you’ve got none left! I like to warm up the berries in a pan while the last lot of pancakes are cooking so they are warm in time for serving.

7. Serve up these delicious Sunday Pancakes and be sure to tag me in any photos of your creations!

Instagram: @lexduff

it is solved by walking

I lose myself in you daily
It is a practice of each day to pull myself away
Not apart
Just away
So that there Is a small crack
Maybe just enough for the light to shine through between us
Not a chasm but a crinkle of space

It feels easier, almost inevitable, that I become a reflection of you each day
Maybe a refraction
Always a form of light

It is the hours away that remind me
I whinge often of the past times you don’t enjoy
You don’t like walking
But me?
I can walk for days

I used to hate this difference in us
but I think I’m coming to see it is a gift
A strange and necessary gift

For it is in walking that things are solved
Solvitur Ambulando, as the latin reads
It is in the walking that my mind pushes itself out against its boundaries
In the music
In the speeches
In the thumping of my steps
The dancing of my heels
The twiddling of my toes in the sand, when I can
The deep inhales of sea air
The arms stretched wide to breathe it in to the roots of my lungs

This is when I greet myself again each day
A walking meditation of meeting my mind again
Introducing myself to my ideas, my shapes, my future and my ‘right now’
To work through my past
To envisage tomorrow

And it’s a Place I can tell you about but you can never come with me
And whilst I’d love to show you the nooks and crannies
The cursive poems that are only yet wisps of ideas
The drapes and vases
The flowers of my blooming mind

I am also me because you can’t come with me there
I love you
And I am more ‘me’ because loving you makes me find myself daily
So that we are two
And not just me as a reflection of you
All the miles that make me, me
Now also make you, you

Musings from a Past Life: 16 April 2020

Because of you, I bathed my journals
all the thoughts
countless hours
endless sentences to try and make sense
washed away in the white wash
of an ordinary Wednesday so many years ago

The thought of those inner most scribbles existing in the world - unfathomable
and yet
all these years later
when I peruse the annals of my life,
I wonder what I wrote
So many musings lost

In loving you, I washed away…
all of it
Oh boy, wasn’t that true!
the good, the bad, the longing, the laughter, the torment, the normality
the life.

I don’t know if I wish I’d kept them.
Somedays I do.
Others, I’m glad to be free of my own words that could haunt me.

What I do know is that someday
in the future
when a daughter not yet known
comes to me heavy-hearted and in love
with the wrong man
I will take her to the ocean
where I bathed the words off my pages
and endlessly bathed him from my skin.

And I will be able to say that it was in these
same waters
that I left it behind
the love
the loss
the longing
and healed.

To have only the faint memory
and a new life
with a love I could name
aloud.

Musings from April 4th: Born under a Wandering Star

Today’s the day I would have touched down at London’s Heathrow airport
collected my bags from the carousel
and filled my lungs with deep inhales.

The day I had been counting down to
the weeks back in my natural habitat
living out of a suitcase - such a joy for me
one the so many dislike

I was bound for London, Rome then through Germany, Poland and then a road trip with my Travel Soul-Mate through my second home, Italia!
I miss traveling the way you would miss a person
someone not lost but never quite in reach until you’re face to face again

And whilst I’m grateful to be safe and in the same time zone as our families as we navigate all of the strangeness…

Well, today I’m also deeply sad

Sad that in the world I was expecting, I’d be grabbing a bite from M&S today as I raced around the familiar city

Sad that I’m spending my savings in Woolworths and not to line the pockets of the Italian restaurant-owning Nonna’s and Nonno’s

Sad that I can’t lament how my college italian has faded, between sips of the best house red
holding space with locals about studying in Bologna
’Oh but it was many years ago’, I would say as I blush when they compliment my rounding R’s and gesticulations

I’m sad the way lifelong chefs are sad that restaurants are closed

I’m sad the way that avid readers finding refuge in books are sad that libraries are closed

I’m sad my passion is now still a wait

Tomorrow, I’ll plan for the moment the borders re-open
When I can squeeze the faces of our European friends

But for today, I feel heartbroken for that Visa not being used,
the Irish passport not being processed,
the scrappy Italian silenced.
For the suitcase sitting idle in the apartment
For the piece of my heart not on that plane
For the feet that were supposed to just now be stepping out in London Town

Friday, 1 May 2020: What do you call a group of Wind-Surfers?

What do they call a group of wind-surfers?

I’ve wondered this today, watching them spin and dance on the first cold day of Autumn

A collection?
A company?
A gust?
A swirl?
Maybe a freedom of wind-surfers?
A glide of them all?

I sit on the grass for a moment to watch them, my take-away coffee in hand

I can barely hear my thoughts over the wind howling and whipping the waves

but the sun is on my face on this Friday, the first day of May

and right now, all is well

the drama of the waves

the suspense when the kites come close to one another

the gasps of the moments they are lifted from the surf to fly

I am constantly astounded at the moment by all the ordinary beauties
I am arrested daily by the sunset
Last night we stopped for moments and watched the lightning in the distance like it was the first time we’d seen it
I’m seeing butterflies everywhere
In these strange and historic times, it’s truly all the little things that stop me in my tracks
I’ve read poems of old that are brand new again, interrupting my days to read sentences aloud just to have them spoken into the world
Each time I make fresh pasta, I want to take a photo and show it to my Mum - as though I’m a child with a finger-painting
’Look what I created?’ the photo says. ‘Look what I have learnt’

A few nights ago, I put on a playlist and danced across the living room floor for an hour till my skin glowed with sweat and my eyes felt wide and bright
Have you re-listened to old songs lately?
Do it! I promise they’ll be more magnificent than you could have remembered.

I don’t know how the world will be at the unlocking of all this
I want to believe that it could be the making of us all
Or maybe just the making of parts of us

The pasta-making, dance-party, butterfly watching, wind-surfing parts of us
the creative parts of us
the wholesome parts of us

That is what I’m interested in now.
Show me the beauty in the things you are experiencing

the good and the bad

the pretty and the ugly

Tell me how they’ve moved you
how your ordinary has become your extraordinary

because I promise you, it has.

Because really aren’t we all really just surfing the wind at the moment?

A collection?
A company?
A gust?
A swirl?
Maybe a freedom of wind-surfers?
A glide of us all?

Oh!

Oh to wear a fake fur coat!
Oh to buy a beer!
Oh to see another face than
just the one of that guy here!
Oh to laugh at awkward jokes
In bars too loud to hear!
Oh to drink too much red wine
and wish a hangover disappear!
Oh to a weekend of revelry
larger than we’ve had all year!

Oh how sweet the days will be!
Oh how tight the squeezes!
Oh how sweet the wax will be
after months of using tweezers!

Oh how many walks in parks
all walking five abreast!
Oh how close I’ll hold you all
tightly pressed against my chest!
Oh how young I’ll hopefully look
after a lifetimes worth of rest!
Or truth be told, it won’t matter at all
If we’re all looking like a mess.

Oh how lucky we surely are to be
just safe and sound and well
I’ve been writing lots of poetry
(If you couldn’t already tell)

And reading books and walking lots
and FaceTiming all our friends
Making pasta, cooking polenta
Drinking wine and wine again

But oh how sweet the pub will be!
Oh how delightful the cafe!
To all be in close quarters
and to get to hear us say,

“It’s been a while! How are you?”
“What have you learnt that’s new?”
“I’m so glad your well!
Give us a hug, I’ve definitely missed you”

Thursday 9 April 2020

The little guy’s spinning in circles

small feet flailing below the surface

a seagull, just out from the shore

the Supermoon came through two nights ago

rallied the tides

but today they are quieter again

softer, gentler, a little less wild

that feels right for this Thursday morning,

whatever ‘right’ feels like these days

I’m holding a cardboard coffee cup 

it reads ‘almond’ in scrawled letters on the lid

today’s the first day they pre-empted my order

if there were a list of strange skills and powers

right at the top, after untying knots, would be

my ability to be adopted by coffee shops

a loyal patron, quickly absorbed into a local

I sit for a moment on the waters edge

scratchy sand bags below my bum

the clouds above are a little grumpy looking

but not ominous

the light reflects off the water between the moored boats

it looks like it could be a painting in an english seaside house

or maybe a puzzle in an old fishing shed

I’m half here, half in my head

Then, I feel his legs up against my back

both hands pressed against my shoulders

his fingers amongst the knots that not even I can untie 

of foreign pillows and even more foreign times

I close my eyes and take a deep breath

to the base of my lungs

my exhale has a sound

he leans down and kisses me on the head

as I lean my weight against his shins

and time stops, for a moment 

not a thought 

just the sound of the ocean

the resting of my soul

for this small moment, 

I am more at peace than any moment that has come before